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When the story surfaced that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it thrust substance use disorder back into the public spotlight. However, families affected by a child’s substance use are concerned the discussion will focus on an extremely uncommon act of violence rather than the more widespread dangers of the condition.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the news. They only knew the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also became addicted at 15 to opioids and later illicit drugs, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehabilitation and jail. After seven excruciating years, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” says Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters succumbed to the disease of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a relative’s dependency, housing instability from addiction, or an drug-related emergency leading to hospitalization or death, according to 2023 data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or tens of millions of people, were living with a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how influential you are,” stated Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is worried that the murders will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg noted.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really a threat and the potential for causing violence.”

She also cautioned against jumping to conclusions about the alleged role of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is not known whether substance use or mental health issues were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and this condition, and fill in the gaps to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may increase aggression, a violent crime like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything even approaching to violent behavior. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is significantly more likely to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not of their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get that call or that knock on the door telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the hospital saying a son was unconscious; from jail, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle loneliness—wondering if the addiction stemmed from some parental failure; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be perfectly happy one day and in despair the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are can become sober.

“Just as you can get over any other type of illness, you can get over this condition, too. You can recover and be productive,” said Grover. “If you try and you fail, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a university education, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they cared for him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll reach out and take it.”