The Advice shared by My Father Which Saved Us when I became a New Parent

"I believe I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You require assistance. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to open up among men, who continue to hold onto harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a sign of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a pause - going on a short trip away, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, physical activity and when you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."